


free fall

by Tazmaster



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, First Kiss, Getting Together, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Near Death Experiences, Reflection, Sharing a Bed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-06
Updated: 2019-08-06
Packaged: 2020-08-12 02:34:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,343
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20129242
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tazmaster/pseuds/Tazmaster
Summary: Sam finds that people have many different reactions to near death experiences. Or---Bucky kisses Sam for the first time and Sam has a lot to think about.





	free fall

**Author's Note:**

> this fic was originally suppose to be short and sweet, but it turned into something a little different.
> 
> heavily inspired by the song [last days by yasushi yoshida](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K4y2l6ysjGg)

Sam finds that people have many different reactions to near death experiences.

Some people cry, or freak out entirely, which is perfectly normal. Sam's been in enough of those situations to feel the weight of morality resting on his shoulders, that's for sure. Some people brush it off, like it's a minor inconvenience. Others take it harder.

Bucky had fallen off the roof of a building, which the guy is completely terrified of heights and this building obviously wasn't short. Sam doesn't want to think about the way Bucky called his name out over the coms and how quickly it made his bones chill and the hairs on his neck stand up. He doesn't want to think about how fast he changed his course, shooting towards Bucky's blurry figure like a bullet.

Except it was different this time, because Sam caught him.

Bucky's arms wrap around his neck tightly. He won't open his eyes. Sam has on arm under Bucky's legs and another on his back.

"Don't worry, I got you." Sam says to him, a little braver than he feels. He feels Bucky's hold on to him just a little tighter, or maybe he just imagines it. Sam lands on a nearby rooftop, gently setting Bucky down and letting him grab his bearings. He retracts his wings.

"Thank you, Sam." Bucky lets out, his breath a little short and his hair blown out. He runs a metal hand through it, blinking like a deer in the headlights.

Sam gives him a soft smile. "You owe me one." He teases, trying to push down his own growing anxiety. Losing Bucky isn't a thought he wants to entertain right now.

Bucky's eyebrow quirks up, a faint smirk on his lips. "Oh, really now?"

"Yeah, really," Sam crosses his arms. "I just saved your life."

"Well, great hero of mine," Bucky takes a step closer. "How can I repay you?"

"Maybe by doing the dishes for once, that'd really--" Sam is cut off by the sudden press of Bucky's lips, feeling his beard tickling his cheeks. Almost instinctively, Sam kisses him back, feeling an arm snake around his waist. For a split moment, he feels secure. Safe.

Bucky pulls away, face still so close that Sam can feel Bucky's breath on his own skin when he asks, "How's that?"

Sam blinks at him, feeling extremely exposed even under all his tactical gear. He wants to tell him it was great, that something like this has been on his mind for the past three months, but something tells him no. And so, Sam shakes his head slightly and pushes Bucky's face away, looking away from him.

"We have a fight to get back to, Bucky." Sam tells him, stepping back and trying to regain any of his composure. He feels like the winds been knocked right out of him and he hasn’t even taken flight.

And before Bucky can respond, Sam turns on his heels and flies off.

* * *

After the mission is wrapped up, Sam doesn’t meet Bucky like he usually does, doesn’t get Bucky’s arm wrapped around his shoulders in a side hug. The indication of a job well done.

Instead, Sam runs, or rather flies away. He’s turned off his coms now, probably worrying Bucky to death, but he takes his wings and soars far, out past the city and into the quiet.

Sam needs to think.

It’s no secret, at least to Sam, that he cares about Bucky and getting kissed by someone that you’ve spent the past few months pining over seems like a dream come true. It seems so simple, but then why is it so confusing?

When he gets far enough, Sam closes his eyes, feeling the air blowing across his face. Then he retracts his wings and lets himself fall.

He does this on particularly hard days, which Sam wasn’t expecting this to be a hard day but Bucky really threw a wrench in that one.

The image of Bucky falling is too familiar. Sam knows it too well. Every time he’s reminded of it--- the memories of Riley or Rhodey… they seep into him like some sort of poison. Letting himself fall through the air brings Sam closer to something. The adrenaline, he thinks, it’s almost cathartic in a way.

Maybe Sam just doesn’t actually like Bucky. Maybe he’s just been tricking himself. Maybe--- No, that’s not it. Too many beats of his heart, too many fleeting thoughts about what could be. A kiss is a total win, right?

Or maybe, Sam just doesn’t want to lose this time.

Sam’s wings spring back out to catch him before he hits the ground. Sam swoops back up high into the air, meeting the darkening sky. He starts heading home.

Sam knows that when he gets back to their apartment that Bucky will look at him with that soft look of concern, the one that picks him apart and makes him want to spill his guts out. He knows that Bucky won’t push, won’t force Sam to say anything. The unspoken solidarity between them that has grown and grown and grown ever since they started living together.

When Sam’s feet hit the ground, he just wants to collapse. He shuffles his way into their apartment, hearing the faint noises of their TV through the door. He takes a deep breath and opens it, looking down at his feet. A chair scrapes against the floor in the other room, but he ignores it, tugging his goggles off and tossing them to the side.

Suddenly, gentle hands move to help Sam take off his wings. The slow and methodical ritual of taking the shoulder straps off, unbuckling them and pulling them down his arms. His wrist armor comes off, along with his gloves and now all that’s left are their hands woven together.

“I’m sorry if I went too fast for you.” Bucky tells him, his voice low. “I didn’t mean to scare you.”

“It’s okay.” Is all Sam replies with. Bucky presses a kiss onto the inside of his wrist.

“We can take this as slow as you need it.” He continues. “Or, you know-- we don’t have to do anything at all. We don’t have to be anything unless you want to be. But I want you to know that I’ll be right here, sweetheart.” Bucky’s hand comes up to cup Sam’s cheek, brushing a thumb over it.

Sam hates crying, but he feels his cheeks getting hot and his vision blurring and it marks the end of him. His tears fall and all he can do is cling onto Bucky as if he’s the only thing keeping him from fading away. Bucky wraps his arms around him, keeping him close and whispering softly to him. Sam isn’t in his right mind to make anything out of it out right now, head too clouded with fears and anxiety.

* * *

Sam doesn’t remember when he fell asleep, but he wakes up in his bed to complete darkness. He looks up at the ceiling, letting out a long sigh. Then, without even thinking, he pulls the covers off of himself and walks across the hallway, to Bucky’s room.

“Bucky?” He calls out, peeking into his room. A night light casts a faint glow to his room and in it he can see the rise and fall of Bucky’s chest. Bucky stirs a bit as Sam approaches the bed.

“Yeah?” Bucky replies sleepily, propping himself up on one arm.

Sam rubs his arms. “Is it okay if I-- you know--” He can’t find the right words at the moment and as he takes a minute to collect his thoughts, Bucky takes his hand and pulls him closer.

“Whatever you need.” He assures him, scooting over so that Sam can lay next to him. Sam carefully moves next to him as Bucky tugs the blankets over them. Then, as if it’s second nature, Bucky’s arm comes to wrap around Sam’s stomach, hugging him tight.

“Is this okay?” Bucky asks him.

Bucky doesn’t get a reply.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you so much for reading! leave a comment or hit me up on my social media if you'd like :) 
> 
> im proud of this one!!
> 
> check out my [twitter](http://twitter.com/tazisthemaster) and [art tumblr](http://tazatouille.tumblr.com)


End file.
